Healthy Families: The Children’s Responsibility

October 29, 2020 Off By JEFF

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
Ephesians 6: 1-3

As we continue this discussion on the family, the last relationship that is a vital part of that healthy home is the relationship between the children and their parents. Paul gives a simple but direct command, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” He goes on to support this thought by quoting the only one of the Ten Commandments that has a promise attached to it – Honour thy father and mother … The implication of these two scriptures combined is one where parents are in a position of honor and authority and the children acknowledge and respect that position by being in a subordinate position.

Obedience and Honor

The term obey in this passage comes from the Greek word hupakouo which can be translated to hear under (as a subordinate); in other words to listen attentively. The word honour in this passage comes from the Greek word timao which means to prize; in other words to fix (or place) a valuation upon. If you place these terms together, parents, in the Lord, should be valued and esteemed and listened attentively to for what they have to offer in the growth of a child both naturally and spiritually. That listening needs to be active and needs to be heeded because a loving parent has the child’s best interest at heart. Jesus said it this way in reference to asking for gifts, “If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent (Luke 11:11)? The answer is obvious. Of course a father would give the best gifts for his child because of his love towards him or her.

This all seems so obvious and so straight-forward to the point that I could stop the lesson at this point and the lesson should be understood. However, these ideas of obedience and honor are not as simple as they may seem. Even adults have problems with obedience and honor. Solomon said it this way in Ecclesiates 12: 12:

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Solomon was saying that you could sum up all of his thoughts and writings in Ecclesiastes with this simply thought – Fear or honor God and keep his commandments or, in other words, be obedient to him. Again, this is such a simple thought. Why is it so hard to execute? Can it be because many of us did not learn true honor and true obedience at a young age? Or maybe we have heard all of this before and it went into one ear and also went out of the other? To show true honor and to obey is actually a choice and that choice comes from the heart. Our hearts can choose to do the right thing; but can also choose to do the wrong thing.

Child Rearing

Train up a child in the way he should go:
And when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22: 6

Obedience and honor are virtues that need to be taught at a very young age. As parents, we need to take advantage of those early years to teach true obedience and honor. In today’s society, listening with the intent to understand from someone that we prize or hold in high esteem (value) is becoming a lost “art.” There are too many distractions. Some of those distractions are caused by us being way too busy just to do the right things. It’s easier to place a child in front of a TV, Computer, iPad, etc. than to spend time with them for the purpose of training. We are just too busy. It’s easy for both parents to work because that either conforms to societal expectations or we just feel like we cannot make it on one income. Stay-at-Home Moms are almost looked down upon as being failures for not advancing in their careers. All the while our children are being raised by others who may or may not hold our own standards and values when it comes to obedience and honor. A mother in the home, training and rearing children, is a very valuable commodity.

Remember, we are actually training the heart. If our little ones are not getting it in the home then they are learning it elsewhere and oftentimes in perverted ways. In our current environment, we turn on the news and we see droves of young people who know nothing about peacefully protesting in an honorable way. Instead we see anarchy in the streets and we wonder why. I’m not saying that all young people, if they do not learn obedience in the home, are bound to become criminals. I am saying, however, that we are seeing a general lack of honor and obedience in our land today and I do believe that can be traced back to a lack of godliness in our homes where these principles have not been taught or taught properly.

A Father’s Responsibility

Fathers, there is a greater responsibility on us to be able to teach these things in a responsible way. Paul goes on to impress upon fathers to “provoke not your children to wrath: but to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6: 4)”. Fathers become the model for God himself to their children in this manner. I heard a Sister-in-the-Lord testify one time about how difficult it was for her to accept God as her father because of an abusive relationship that she had to endure with her natural father. Thankfully, God helped her to overcome because of a sincere heart. However, there are many that struggle with the idea of God as a Father for this very reason. Domineering fathers, like the one’s who expect their wives to be doormats, may also fit into this category. It’s also not just abuse. It can also be in the form of neglect. Absent fathering can also affect a child’s understanding of God. The father can still be in the home yet be absent; always at work; always with the guys; always playing sports, etc. Both abuse and neglect would cause a child to be provoked to wrath,

A father has the responsibility to teach his children how to listen with respect to both himself and the mother. He also is responsible for teaching his children to listen, to obey and to honor God as their ultimate Father through Jesus Christ. As that child grows older, if they are “trained” well in the younger years, obedience becomes honor and respect in the older years; not only to their natural parents but also to their heavenly Parents. God, through Christ is our Father, the church is the bride of Christ. They both should be held in high esteem and respected. You can’t love Jesus without also loving his bride. You cannot love his bride without loving Jesus!

A young adults honor and respect comes from the fact that even if they did not agree with everything that their parents taught them as a child, they at least know that what they were taught was motivated by love. It is that love that will not depart from them. In fact, that older child will show their love, in return, through honor and respect. They will respect God through Jesus Christ. They will also learn to respect people other than themselves. And, that all starts in the home!

Healthy Families, Introduction