Healthy Families vs. Unhealthy Finances

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

1 Timothy 6: 10

Another of the top reasons that leads to divorce and adversely affects the family are financial issues. The following quote is from the Dave Ramsey website:

If you and your spouse argue over money, you’re not alone. It’s the number one issue married couples fight about. In fact, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.

The “fight” over money generally tends to correlate with debt and the size of debt that is incurred in the home. According to the Dave Ramsey website, “Couples who fight about money have roughly $30,000 in consumer debt on average, with nearly two-thirds (63%) of all marriages starting off in the red.”  There is a symptomatic issue behind carrying debt that is really driving the issue. This is not going to be a post about living debt-free. For one thing, I am not a financial planner and do not feel qualified to give such advice. If you want to learn more about living debt-free, Dave Ramsey is a good place to start. This post will, however, look at what causes people to get into financial trouble and how that cause has a negative effect on the family and marriages.

The Love of Money

1 Timothy 6: 10 talks about the love of money is the root of all evil. Money in and of itself is not evil. In fact money has been used throughout the ages to assist in the promotion of the gospel. Whether it is used to help in missionary efforts or to be distributed among the poor among us, the use of money has helped the church in meeting needs that could not, otherwise, be met. The problem, therefore, is not money; it’s when we love money and what we may perceive that it has to offer where the problems arise. When we love it so much that we “covet” it that is where we begin the journey of erring in the faith. The love of money is really a heart condition. What is really behind that love is a heart that puts it trust in riches more so than places its trust in God. The love of money becomes the pursuit of money; And its pursuit is based upon an idea that if one could just “have enough” then that can bring happiness and satisfaction. However, that is a pursuit that is never fulfilled. Oftentimes in its pursuit, there are actually “many sorrows.” The reason for those sorrows oftentimes lies in the pursuit. Many unhealthy sacrifices, such as sacrificing family, have to made to obtain that goal … if ever reached. The only happiness and satisfaction that a man/woman seeks can only be found in Jesus Christ. He actually provides something much more – joy and peace. His provision surpasses the temporal emotions of happiness and satisfaction.

How does this “love of money” affect the the home? There is a thought, in marriage, that if a couple can get enough money then they will live a relatively problem free live. Therefore the pursuit is on! Money, again, in this instance represents satisfaction and happiness. Money can buy “stuff.” Having enough “stuff” represents a gratifying existence. The new house; the new car; the designer wardrobe, including accessories; the private school for the kids; the “toys” for Dad – These all represent the fine life! Having these things (and more) soothes the ego and represents to our friends and acquaintances, that we have arrived. However, most people do not have the income to keep-up with their idea of “arriving.” In order to fulfill the expectation, credit is used to “keep up with the Joneses.” Things fail and break and credit becomes the avenue to keep spending. One or both spouses may become so obsessed with “the lifestyle” that it becomes a problem in the marriage. Credit gets unmanageable or even max’d out and the stresses and problems (or sorrows, as the scripture says) put a strain on the home.

Covetousness

The word covet means to inordinately or wrongly be desirous of wealth or possessions; greedy. It’s hard to acknowledge our own hearts being greedy. However, it’s that inordinate desire to have things that is the root of many problems in marriage. Again, the thought is that possessing those things will make us satisfied and happy regardless of the means to it takes to get there. Instead of trusting in Christ for joy and peace, the love (or trust) in money becomes a woefully inadequate substitute for the love and trust that we need to place in Jesus Christ. One of the biggest ‘fiery’ darts that the enemy uses against us is comparison. We see what other’s have and they appear to be happy … so that is what we want. The problem is that we do not know what it has taken for them to get those things and whether they are truly happy. Facebook and Instagram exacerbates the problem because it’s easy to scroll to see the greener grass on the other side. However, those posts don’t always show the real truth.

Whether it’s covetousness through comparison or coveting the attention of appearing that we have arrived, the end of either or both is sorrow. God is not against us from having wealth or even “stuff.” However, its when we place more trust in either the wealth or stuff than we do in God that we cross the line into covetousness which is not pleasing to Him. Solomon was the wisest and riches man to ever live … and he called it vanity and vexation of spirit (Ecclesiastes). Our homes are bombarded with enough issues. This is one area that we can overcome, with the Lord’s help. When Jesus told the rich young “If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me,” He was dealing with this very issue of covetousness and giving the remedy as well (See Financial Wellness). The answer was surrender. Which is still the answer today. Jesus was not as interested in the physical wealth as much as He was interested in this young man surrendering his trust in his wealth over Christ. Jesus even goes so far as to tell him that he could be perfect if he completely surrendered and followed Him. For perfection or maturity to make its way into our homes, we must learn to surrender those things that we place ahead of Christ. If financial issues are one of the top reasons for divorce, that means we are placing too great of a value on having riches and the covetousness that is associated with it and not enough value on the “riches” that can be found in having a stable home. Ironically, we strive to obtain riches because we beliwve that obtaining will bring happiness in the home. In actuality, oftentimes, it brings more stress and sorrow and we never obtain the thing that we seek after.

Had the rich young ruler surrendered his riches or covetous heart, God would have in turn given him the unsearchable riches of Christ; treasure in heaven (Read ‘Our Riches Abound‘). I don’t believe that this man would have lived without. I don’t believe that Jesus would have required him to be a pauper. However, even if that would have been the requirement, the rich young ruler’s focus would have changed and he would have seen true wealth in a whole different light. Jesus is telling us to give up our worldly pursuits and sellout to Him. Our focus just needs to change in order to tap into that resource. Once that occurs, our homes will then have the potential of being places where wealth abounds!